DSS Asked Me to Care for a Relative’s Child. What Happens Next?

A call from DSS

It can change your week, your home, and your family in a matter of minutes. You may have been asked whether your grandchild, niece, nephew, younger sibling, or another child you know can stay with you. You may already know that you want to help. You may also have no idea what you are being asked to take on. That is a normal place to start. You do not need to understand the whole foster care system before you ask questions. What matters first is understanding the child’s immediate situation, what DSS is asking of you, and what support sits around the arrangement. When a child is cared for by a relative or another trusted adult they already know, you may hear the term kinship care. In Virginia, kinship can include relatives and others with an established, meaningful relationship to the child, such as a close family friend or godparent.

Start with the arrangement being proposed

Ask the worker what legal and practical arrangement is being considered. Virginia has more than one route for children to stay with relatives or trusted adults. A child may be cared for through the Parental Child Safety Placement Program, may enter foster care with a kinship foster parent, or may later have a different permanency arrangement. Those routes are not interchangeable. Ask whether DSS has custody of the child, whether the placement is voluntary, what decisions you will be able to make for the child, what checks are required and what the expected next steps are. If you do not understand an answer, ask again in plain language. This is your family and a child you care about. You are entitled to understand the role you are considering.

Ask the practical questions early

Think beyond where the child will sleep tonight. Ask about school, medical care, transportation, visits with parents, childcare, financial support and who you contact outside normal office hours. Also tell the worker what you are worried about. Do not rule yourself out because your home is not perfect, you work full time or you have never considered fostering before. Virginia’s kinship framework recognises that relatives and trusted adults often enter this process suddenly. Safety remains central, but some non-safety foster home approval standards can be considered for waiver in kinship cases.

Be ready for complicated family relationships

Kinship care can protect a child’s connection to the people, places and traditions they know. It can also change relationships across an entire family. You may love the child’s parent deeply and still need to follow boundaries that frustrate or upset them. You may need to support reunification even while becoming attached to having the child in your home. Other relatives may have strong opinions about what you should do. Talk honestly about those pressures. A good kinship plan needs to support the caregiver as well as the child.

What if you live outside Virginia?

Tell the worker immediately. Living in another state does not automatically rule you out. When a child in foster care needs to be placed across state lines, the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children, known as ICPC, often coordinates the process between the sending and receiving states. The exact route depends on the child’s legal status and the proposed placement. Do not move a child across state lines on your own when DSS or a court is involved. Ask the worker what interstate process applies and what you can do now to keep your relationship with the child active while the assessment moves forward.

Where Extra Special Parents fits

Extra Special Parents has supported Virginia’s foster children and families since 2006. If you are being considered as a kinship foster parent and need help understanding the foster parent journey, our team can help you work through the questions, preparation and support that come with caring for a child you already know.